Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Parenting From A Distance: IPhone FaceTime & My Husband Is the Greatest

First, let me thank those who have taking the time to "like" my Facebook page. It really means a lot. We went from 72 likes to 98 in one day! I am excited to continue to share my journey, tips, advice with you all. I hope you all are eager to read. I also want to take this time to apologize for my previous post, which I have deleted. Now, I don't apologize for what I said, I apologize for not giving more of a back story. I have been called disgusting, disgraceful among other words all because I have an opinion about my family. Let's not get it twisted, I have a relationship with my step children. I don't dislike them nor do I treat them with any disrespect. I am not going to delve much further into this issue. The only thing that matters is that my husband understands where I am coming from and that all that matters. Why did I delete the post? I deleted the post because when it was written, I was  very angry. Not with my husband but angry. The post really didn't express my true feelings, only the feelings that I felt that particular day. For that, I am sorry that you all may have this opinion of me that is completely untrue. If you want the back story, just ask.


A few know because I do not have many friends or any friends for that matter, that my family has relocated to Virginia Beach. What people may not know is that I am still in New York and my daughters are in Virginia Beach. Having them leave me to go down to their new home was the hardest decision I had to make. But, I had to face the facts. The facts are:
1. I live with my mother who lives in a studio apartment, which equals not enough room. She lives in a BEAUTIFUL apartment, in fact is it the same apartment I grew up in. My  mother has lived in the same building before I was born. As nice as it is, there wasn't enough space for me, the girls and my husband.

2. Couldn't find daycare. I thought finding daycare in New York would be easy, but I was wrong. I had better luck finding daycare in New Jersey. The daycare in New York are so expensive. However, waiting to the last minute as I love to do, I applied for childcare subsidy, which I was approved recently. But my girls are going to start daycare in VA next week so, too late.

I miss my daughters every single day. Some days I do not feel like a mother. I use to wake up, my husband and I take the girls to daycare, go to work, come home, pick up the girls and my other job as a mother continues. Now, I have this old familiar freedom that I would trade just to have my girls with me in New York. It is a sad life I have now, which ends in October. I go to work and come to my mothers house. I now have so much time on my hands that I am able to study, watch my favorite shows and blog to you guys about my recent woos. But, I would give anything to have my girls.

For now, I parent from a distance, thanks to IPhones and ITouch, I am able to see my girls all the time. And yes, my girls are pros at using the IPhones and ITouch. We talk, they tell me about their day (most of it is babble), I get to see how much they have grown. It is great I get to see them, but I wish that I could touch them and give them a hug all the time.

Parenting from a distance. Who would have thought that my marriage would start with us living a part. Who would have thought that I had no choice but to have my kids live in their new state, new city, new community? I know they are not with a stranger, they are with their father, my amazing husband, but being away from my children is like a mother lion being away from her cubs.

A piece of me is missing.

This post is also dedicated to my husband. The only man that understands me, even with my faults, even with my "selfish thinking" he doesn't make me feel any less. He gets me. Being away from me and playing the role of mother and father has been rough on him but he has done a great job. Speaking to my girls and my husband tonight inspired me to right this post.

My husband told me that one of the girls did not  take a nap today and when I did facetime, she was IRATE! When one of the twins is having a tantrum, the other takes it upon herself to start as well. My husband had to deal with not one but TWO screaming two year old. And you know what? He did it effortless. He didn't loose his patience, he didn't loose his cool, he cuddle them, cooed, and reassured them that he was doing the best he could. My husband went and got their bottle while holding both of them. As I listened to the girls cry, I felt that anxiety, that feeling to shut them up and quickly start boiling inside. I felt frustrated for him, because when they double team me, that is how I feel. But, my husband didn't loose face. He was not defeated by any means. He got the girls into bed with their night bottle and lights out.

Simply amazing. I don't know any man that can handle two year old twins like my husband. He is father of the century in my opinion.

I get to see the girls and my husband again this weekend, Labor Day Weekend and I am going to enjoy every morsel!

Saturday, August 24, 2013

What Does Lee Daniel's The Butler Mean For My Children

As my mother and I left the United Artist theater tonight, we walked in silence. I continued to wipe my eyes and my mother just continued to walk, facing straight ahead. We finally reached the end of the block; waiting for the walk sign, my mother turned to me. "When you were born, I prayed that things would be better for you." I looked at her. "Are they?" I asked. She faced forward again. "I don't think so."

My mother and I went to see Lee Daniel's The Butler starring Forrest Whitaker and Oprah Winfrey. This 2 hour plus film took us on a historic journey of civil rights and changes for African Americans through the 60's, 70's and 80's while telling the story of a butler, Cecil Gaines who served in the White House for 34 years. He saw changes in African Americans during prominent eras. The story was moving, the story was captivating, the story emotional and for me, the story was remembrance.

My mother was born in 1955 in North Carolina. She remembered using the "Colored Only" water fountain, sitting in the "Colored Section" of the bus. She remembered the Sit in at Woolworths and the day the Black students walked into a once White school. I was born during the Reagan era (1986), and when my mother said that she prayed for better, it is the same prayer that I hope for my daughters.

I didn't forget what have overcame, the fight, the torment or the mistreatment, but I forgot how much we endured. The film showed African Americans fighting for equality, what was right, no matter what the consequence was. Of course I was not there, but I admire the fight, the hunger in them. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be writing this post today.

Even though things are better for African Americans, they aren't perfect. With the shooting of Oscar Grant, Trayvon Martin, Sean Bell, wrongful judgement such as the women who is doing time for shooting a fire warning, like my mother, I pray for more for my children. I pray that they do not sit in a world where we now just sit still. A world where we rally, shout our frustrations and then go about our day, going to work, school, paying the bills. Continuing to sit still.

The admiration I have for those before us is more than I can express. They didn't sit still, they did more than rally, they did more than shout their frustrations. I wait for the day that we can do the same. I am guilty of this as well. I know that something is wrong, but still continue to go about my life. Not fight for a better life for my children.

What does Lee Daniel's The Butler mean for my children? It means everything; a chance to look at our history, a chance to see our fight, a chance to see us stand up for what was right, a chance to be proud, sad, mad, more importantly they get to know a piece of history that hasn't been told. I never knew that there was a butler that served for 34 years. I find it fascinating because he saw the world change from so many different angles.

I am not going to get into the story or my thoughts about the film. I am not going to decipher it either. I will say that it is a film that you want to take your children to see and it is a film that you want to embrace.

I pray for my children. I pray for my children in a world where racism still exists. I pray, one day, we have the courage to continue to fight. Not physically fight, but the system.

Friday, August 23, 2013

Happy Friday: Silly Questions To A Mom of Twins

Happy Friday everyone! I saw this topic on one of the blogs that I follow and I laughed at the end of her posting. As a mom of twins, I am hit with the silliest questions. However, I never laugh in the person face because they are asking to know what it is like to be a mother of twins. Here  are some of my favorites:

Dressed alike and in dresses!!!
1. Are they twins? *Yes, when they are clearly dressed just alike. I am not that type of mom if I had two daughters a year apart and dressing them alike. 

2. They are so cute, boy or girl? *This question came up constantly especially when the girls had pink blankets covering them. 

3. How do you do it? *I don't have a choice

4. Double trouble right? *Yes, my girls are two are into exploring but they aren't any trouble thanks 

5. Wow they are identical? *I get this question every single day. Each time I get this question I wonder if people are seeing something I'm not. One has a wider face and big cheeks, one is lighter with a narrow face. In summary, my daughters are fraternal twins; not identical
One has a round face the other has a narrow face

6. Who helps you with the girls? *This isn't totally silly, but I want to say I'm married, my husband does! or, I am not alone, I have tons of family support! But, they do not know. 

7. Do twins run in your family? *Not a silly question, but yes, twins run in my family and my husband's family.

8. Which one is the good twin? *They are both good, but they both have their moments, just like you and I. We aren't happy all the time right?

9. Was this natural? *Um yes, no fertility drugs here. I don't like needles

10. I don't know how you do it. *Not a question, but I get this statement followed by a shake of the head. 

11. Which one is older? *Does it matter? 

Don't they BOTH look friendly?
12. That one seems to be the friendlier one right? 

13. My cousins/uncle/daughter/friends/aunt have twins too. *That's nice

14. Do you want more? *No, that means that is another chance to have another set of twin. No thank you. 

Moms of multiples, what are some of the silliest questions you have dealt with?

Monday, August 19, 2013

I Was Meant To Live Down South

My mother was born and raised in Roanoke Rapids, North Carolina. Unlike her friends and family, she never had a southern drawl and she never thought she fit in. In summary, my mother always thought that she was never meant for down south living. At the age of 14, my mother moved to New York with my great-aunt Charlotte. She loved the quick pace, the fashion, the night life, the fast talking New Yorkers. For once, she felt that she belonged, that this city was where she needed to be. Even today, my mother can't imagine living anywhere else.

I am the total opposite. I don't think  I was ever meant for up north living. I do not talk like a typical New Yorker. I cannot stand loud music, I cannot stand loud talking, I hate being pushed, I cannot stand the trains, I hate traveling on the trains and the bus, did I mention I hate noise? I was not meant for up north living, which is why my husband and I decided to move back to Virginia; Virginia, a state I fell in love with at the tender age of 10.

My godmother is from New York but moved to Virginia after she finished her medical residency (she is a pediatrician). My mom and I visited her and her husband in Alexandria, VA (where they were living at the time). I fell in love with the peacefulness, people being polite. Most of all, I fell in love with Old Town, Alexandria. If you have never been to Old Town, get in a car and go visit. If you love antiques, historic attractions, then this is the place for you. Visit: for more information.

I also fell in love with driving everywhere, the mall, plaza centers. There weren't any corner stores, people hanging out in front of the building. Where my godmother lived, was a great place to raise a family. Where my godmother lives now in Woodbridge, is still a great place. I went to Hampton University in Hampton, VA and even though I was aware of the culture, I still had a hard time adjusting during my freshmen year. I was seeking the loud music, the cursing, the fighting that I knew in Brooklyn, NY. All I heard was the sounds of crickets. I also hated that I couldn't get on a bus to get where I needed to go. The love I had of driving everywhere in VA when I was younger had quickly died. Also, Hampton was one big boring ass circle.

Then, I fell in love with my now husband and VA had more to offer. It was nice to go out with him like to Buckroe Beach or Virginia Beach. When I graduated, I still hungered for New York City life. I turned down a job at the Virginian Pilot for a job in New York. I didn't consult my boyfriend, I just left. New York was what I knew and as a young graduate, I felt that Virginia didn't have what I needed.

Boy, was I ever wrong. Nothing went right once I came back to New York. I lost my job, I forced my now husband to quit his job (a great paying job) to move with me to New York. We ended up living in dirty Jersey where we went from nasty apartment to shady landlords to our lives eventually being threatened. The one thing or rather two things that came out of living up north was the birth of the twins. Other than that, I craved the serenity once again that VA had to offer. I missed relaxing and not rushing to go no where.

I think my friend said it best, I am a Brooklyn-Bred who does not like noise. It is crazy I know. I must say, being back in Virginia Beach and almost permanently with my family has been so peaceful. I can't wait for what more is to come.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Learning How to Braid and Natural Hair Care

I am not even going to write this blog over. If you would like to read what I use on my daughters hair and how I learned to braid visit:

Mega HELL Trip: 16 Hours Only To Go To Hampton, VA

First thing first; Do you like our new page? Do you like our new header? More importantly, do you like that we are back? I tried recreating a new blog on Wordpress but frankly, I think blogger is much easier to use. So, I am in the process of moving those blogs to this one or, I will just post the links in individual blogs.


For those who do not know, which is quite a few, for the past three months, my family has been separated. I will not get into detail here, that is for another blog, but due to a recurrent of events, we had to evacuate our apartment in NJ and live separately; I am living in Brooklyn and my husband was living in PA. Due to another event, we decided that this was the best time to pack up, start over and move to VA, more specifically, Virginia Beach. We discussed moving back to the Hampton roads area for years and when ish hit the fan in NJ, we thought now was a great time as any to give our children a better life and that is what we did. We now have a house (rented) in Virginia Beach. My husband and children are there while I am still working in New York, trying to figure out the best way to let my boss know that I have to resign from my position. Several factors come into play:

1. My husband finding a job and soon. This makes it a little more complicated because the girls are with him. Long story short, I kept running into dead ends in regards to finding daycare in New York. They were either too expensive or the last resort, subsidy program, will not start until September. We thought it might make sense to have them go to daycare in the area which they now reside. Of course, I miss them terribly.

2. Me, finding a job. This tough. I haven't had much luck in this area. It may be easier to find a job when I am actually in the location. Human resources see my VA address but notice I work in New York.

3. Money saved. We do not have much saved as a cushion. We are working on that though.

So, that is my life thus far in a nutshell. Crazy right? So, I decided that I would visit my family for a bit until I make the permanent move to Virginia. The most inexpensive option was to take  MegaBus. MegaBus (and I say this lightly now), is a good alternative to Greyhound. It is affordable, free wifi, hence why I am able to write this post, and the people are not too bad. I am sorry, I have run into some ratchet people on Greyhound that has made my journey very unpleasant.

 I know this Megabus UK but the caption summarizes my trip
The only scheduled bus heading to Hampton (not VA Beach), was at 12:40am. I left Friday at 11:00 just to be toward the front of the line, which was a success. The bus was a couple of minutes late, but that was no big deal. Unfortunately, I did not get a sit to myself, I had the "pleasure" of sitting next to this college student who talked to his girlfriend half the night and gave me no room to go to sleep. However, he was the least of my worries.

After I decided to get a nap in, I woke up and notice that we were in the City of Philadelphia. That was strike one. The route to Hampton does not stop in Philadelphia. Even with that in mind, the bus driver had the nerve to take forever in a day to unload luggage and do God no what else.

Strike two and this a a HUGE strike, I decided to take a nap again only to wake up to miles and miles of traffic. I couldn't even tell you how long we were in traffic but by the looks of it, the driver wasn't bright enough to get off at the nearest exit. I overheard customers discussing that they had to change to another bus in D.C. Something told me to check my ticket and sure enough, I too had to transfer in DC. This wouldn't have been a problem if the bus did not leave at 6:30am and here we are STUCK in TRAFFIC nowhere NEAR DC and it is, yup, you guessed it, 6:30am. I was no longer getting to Hampton at 10:45am.

Finally, the bus driver to decides to take an alternate route. Actually, he had no choice because the remainder of the I-95 was closed off.  Rather than let the customers on the bus know what was going on or even apologize, the bus driver decides to keep driving, even though it is apparent, he has no idea where he is going. It becomes more apparent that he lost, when we arrive at a military base.

We arrive in Washington DC at 9:30am. From 12:40 to 9:30am I was on the bus.

I wish my journey ended there.

The next bus was to arrive at 10:45AM. I immediately called Mega Bus customer service to let them know how upset I was. The representative, nonchalant told me to express my complaints via email. I hung up. Then, the Mega Bus employees in the station told us that we would have to pay a $5.00 surcharge to get on the next bus. All hell broke loose which changed the employees mind from us paying $5.00 to nothing.

10:45 came and went. We did not load the almost full bus until 11:44. By that point, my back hurt, my legs were cramped, I was hungry and my lips were dry. With major traffic between DC and Richmond, I did not arrive to Hampton, VA till 4:45PM. So lets recap; 12:40AM Friday Morning, to 4:45PM Friday afternoon. 16 HOURS!!!!! 16 HOURS!! But oh no, my journey did not stop there. I was so glad that my husband and my children were on time because if I had to wait one more second...It wasn't going to be pretty.

Traffic wasn't so bad heading to VA Beach but the only thing that was on my mind was a hamburger and sleep. I was excited, however, to see my new house. FYI, we did not purchase a house, we are renting a house with the option to buy in one year. I might add that I love my new home. It is in a quiet neighborhood and although the kitchen needs some work, I am glad that I do not have anyone living on top of me or below me.

I am glad that we have made the move to VA Beach. I think this will turn out great.

However, I will no longer take Megabus to VA Beach. I am actually flying back home and will make my ticket for the next time I visit, which will be the last time because the final time I am there to stay.