I had an interview yesterday, the first in almost a year. Since the girls were born, I have been out of work. I decided not to go back to my previous job because it was part time and every week the executive director was cutting my hours. I digress.
I thought my interview went okay. After every interview, I feel I could have said more or gave extra eye contact. There is always something that I could have done MORE of. As I rode the train to New York Penn Station, it hit me. If I get this job, what am I going to do with the children?
I Do Not Live in a House with a White Picket Fence
For some, to find a job is a no brainer. However, I did not realize how much I would sacrifice for the sake of my children. As my family lives off one income and although we often struggle, finding the right career is an important aspect. Where I once could take any job to make ends meet in this economy, with children I have to find a job where my family can live and I am not working just to pay for day care. Can you imagine how much day care will cost in New Jersey for TWO children? By the grace of God, my family have been able to survive, but as I think about working again, so many questions come into mind. Where are going to place the girls? Are they too young for day care? Who is going to pick them up? Who is going to drop them off? Will my job schedule allow me to do this?
Joy of Being a Stay at Home Mom
Becoming a stay at home mom was not a choice. I planned on finding a job as soon as the girls were 3 months, but life did not happen that way. It became much harder to get a call back from companies due to the economic recession, what kind of job I was looking etc.; a lot of factors effected my job hunt. As I mentioned, I could not take just any job, it had to be enough to afford day care and still be able to have fun. While my fiance continued to work, I transitioned into my role as mother and homemaker, a rough transition I must add. Besides, being a mother I was (and still am) a student working towards my master's degree. Even now, I am not sure how I will work when I need to finish my degree, which includes a practicum and an internship. With stress of bills and time, I love being home with my girls. Due to their status of being born premature, it was important to me to work on their development. I did not want to come up with excuses as to why they are not hitting milestones because they were born premature. I wanted to make sure that they could do just as much (even more) as full term babies. However, I know some things are out of my control.
Although I am in the house most of the time, I love watching my girls, not missing any moment. We go the park, we go to the library, run errands, etc. It is fascinating how much they have grown and if I was at work, I would miss it.
Going Back To Work
I am not sure if I am going to get the position, but if I do, I know I am going to miss the girls. When I came home from the interview, Mya and Milani were in their walker and as soon as I came into the door, Mya ran toward me. My heart melt. I am not sure if that is something I could pass up if I go back to work, regardless of the bills and one income. For my sanity, this a decision that I may have to do.
What are your thoughts?