My Love/Hate Relationship With Daycare

Toward the end of May, I had to enroll my girls in daycare. I was offered a position making a decent salary and for my sanity, I could no longer be a stay at home mom. Not just for my sanity, but my fiance and I were barely making ends meet (still struggling with that as well). I knew that I had to get back into the workforce. No one forced me and I was still receiving unemployment, but the money was not enough. At the time I did not realize how luck I was to be able to stay home with my girls for 10 months (now I do). However, I had to find a daycare in three weeks.

Provider or Daycare?

My mother works for an organization that helps mothers (like myself) find a daycare or provider in the area, assist those in developing a daycare and assist those to become certified. I say this because my mother has trained me as to what to look for while searching for a provider or daycare. What is the difference between a provider and daycare? A provider is one who has a daycare in her or his home. Daycare is in a daycare center. As I began my process, I wasn't sure where I wanted my girls to stay; a provider or daycare? It came down to three things, reference, cost, and quality.

Researched equals Frustration 

My first tip is locate your local child care referral agency. In New York, there is the Day Care Council of New York and Center for Children's Initiatives. In New Jersey, it depends on what county your located. I unfortunately had the "pleasure" of working with the four C's. After contacting the agency, they emailed me a list of licensed providers. However, most of them spoke Spanish. I then contacted NACCRA, now called ChildCare Aware Of America. They were able to email me a list of daycare centers in New Jersey. I called every single one that was close to my area or in my area and I found one that was affordable, friendly and only 10 minutes away from my house.

When Visiting a Daycare 

Do not be fooled by the charming teachers and executive director. As a new mom, you must take a closer look at what is in front of you. Here are two great lists that I found on the four C's website and Center for Children's Initiatives website that I used to help narrow down the daycare centers.

• Checklist for Choosing Child Care Center (NJ) 
• Checklist for Choosing Child Care Center (NY)

Pros about Daycare 

It is never easy to leave your children with someone else for over 7 hours a day. I complained when I stayed home with them but now I wish I could stay home with them all the time. I miss them so much and I wonder what they are doing during the day. However, daycare has it perks:

• Your child (children) will socialize and interact with others 
• Your child will pick on new skills to add to their development: My girls would not hold the bottle, a week into daycare, my girls were able to hold their bottle, say "Mama" and "Dada", standing up and trying to walk. They learned to crawl in daycare as well. 
• Undivided attention: The teachers love my daughters. When I was home with them, I could not give them all of my attention because I had stuff that I needed to finish. 

Cons about Daycare 

Daycare is not all rainbows and glitter. There are some set backs of taking your child into daycare:

• Be prepared for your child to get sick more often: When my girls were home, they rarely were sick. Now that they have been exposed to other children; they have runny noses and coughs. The good thing is that it makes their immune system to work harder. 
• Staff does not work like a mother: I already created a routine with my girls and now that they are in daycare, they have a whole different schedule. I constantly wondering if they are getting fed everything, are they taken naps. However, the staff is wonderful so I stop worrying so much. 

The best part of daycare is picking my girls up and seeing them smile or crawl to me with excitement. It is the best feeling in the world! Any questions for us? Contact us at preemietwinsme@gmail.com

Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Has Been Pregnant Before

It is a question that most doctors ask mothers to be. It is a question that most mothers to be answer without hesitation. It is only when they give birth and their bundle or bundles of joy comes home that their answer sometimes change from the sure yes to the I do not think I can do this.

Breastfeeding. A word that when asked, the answer seems like a no brainier, until mothers have to deal with crying, screaming and every other headache of taken care of a newborn. My doctor asked me if I was going to breastfeed around my second trimester, like most, I did not hesitate. "Of course, Dr. R!" I exclaimed as if his question was ridiculous.

Then, my twins were born. The hospital made sure that a nurse came into the room and explained from breastfeeding, how to use the pump, the pros of giving your children breast milk to at least 6 months, etc. In my situation, I had an advantage. My girls had to stay in the NICU, which gave me plenty of time to pump milk and bring it to them. Every two hours of uninterrupted pumping I was able to do. In the NICU, I also did Kangaroo care as well as latch on, which didn't work out so well.

It wasn't until the girls came home my uninterrupted flow of producing breast milk came to a halt. It was hard to pump milk when one twin would start crying because they were hungry. I couldn't catch up to produce enough milk so that I would have some in the freezer ready and waiting.

When the girls turned four months, my milk supply went completely dry. I tried most of the tricks, looking at pictures of my girls to become emotional, drank tea and ginger. Nothing worked. After the four months, I turned to Similac formula and have not turned back. Now, my girls are 12 months and healthy.

This goes into my headline for the blog; Mayor Bloomberg of New York City who wants to crack down on mothers using formula for their babies and force them to breastfeed. Mayor Bloomberg has even gone as far as to have several hospitals in the city hide the formula from site in order to advocate for breastfeeding.

Yes, this is the same Mayor that wants to tell us fat New Yorkers that we are drinking too much soda and to get rid of the large size cups. I am all for breastfeeding; it is better for your little one when a mother is able to. Mayor Bloomberg speaks as if he knows what is like to be pregnant, as if he knows what it takes to breastfeed. It is more work than most think. Some mothers cannot produce enough milk for their children and therefore have to rely on formula.

What Mayor Bloomberg does not realize is that WE AS MOTHERS who carried our children for how ever many months can decide what we are going to give to our baby. Mayor Bloomberg, you are not the father of any of these children nor do you put food in their mouths. Mayor Bloomberg, you do not have the right nor the credentials to tell mothers what they can feed their babies.

Here is the catch. If mothers BEG for formula, the hospital is allowed to give it to them, but not without their last two cents on how breast milk is best. If mothers can breastfeed their children for a year, go for it. If you can't, that does not make you a bad mother. This is what formula is here for as a substitute with the nutritional substance that your children need. Specifically, my twins were born premature and if I could not supply them with milk while they were in the NICU, I knew they would drink Similiac Neosure. Why? They had chooses. Mayor Bloomberg, WE have choices!

I am not against breastfeeding, I have done it. I am against a MAN who has not carried any baby telling mothers what to do. Here is an article about the LatchOnNYC initiative .

What are you thoughts?

Personalized Water Label's Add that Spice To a Party

The girls had a great first birthday. Okay, they do not even know what day is, let alone that the family and friends came together to celebrate their birth. I, however, after a slow start to get the party going had a great time. The right people were there, it was intimate, fun and perfect. The weather held up as well. I could go on and on about the party, but I can let you see some of the photos for yourself. This blog, is dedicated to something that I may want to blog about in the future, homemade party decor.

The girls first birthday was a beach party theme and I searched everywhere on Google for beach party theme accessories and decor. During my search, I discovered this fabulous website (and maybe you have heard of it) PinInterest. I typed in the word beach and over five pages of individuals beach theme parties popped up everywhere! I began to take notes and print out the ideas that I loved.

I then discovered a website called CatchMyParty, where individuals upload photos of their best parties, give ideas and the website owner has a section of free printables such as banners, invitations, cookie holders, etc.

What does this have to do with today's blog? EVERYTHING.

I discovered that I like to be creative and after looking through the photos of each party I noticed one common theme; each had custom water label's. For my RHOA (Real Housewives of Atlanta) fans, you may remember Phaedra having water label's with her son's face. Although over the top, it was the one little detail that added more POW to the party.

How to Make Water Labels


What you will need:

• scissors
• design software (optional)
• shipping tape or duct tape 
• water bottles 

1. If you have a design software such as Photoshop, you can design a water label template. For those who do not, you can easily use Microsoft word or power point to create the label. Whichever program you use, once you figure out what you would like on the bottle, create a shape that is 8.5 wide and 1.5 tall so that it will fit on 8.5 x 11 paper.

2. Not everyone is a graphic designer. If you cannot design anything by scratch; use clip art backgrounds or free stock photos, even fancy paper then add your text.

3. If using Photoshop or similar program. Save the image and insert into Word document. You may have to change the dimensions in Word to fit the actual size of the image. Copy and paste down till it fills the page. It is okay if they are touching each other. Print on regular white paper or any paper you like. I plain cardstock paper that I had at home. It is sturdier than regular white paper.

4. Cut until you have 8.5 x 1.5 strips. Do not get frustrated if they are not exact. I missed the part in class to cut straight and now I always cut on an angle #weird.

5. Once all the labels are cut, take your water bottles and strip it naked! In other words, take the original labels off the bottle :)

6. Take shipping tape or duct tape (make sure it is thick in width) and estimate the length. It should be a little but longer than the label, but not much. Lay the tape sticky side up and place the label, color down on the sticky part. There should be room around the tape and the label. Make sure you leave at least 1/4 inch of tape on the end of each label.

7. Apply to the water bottle. I make sure the text is centered and then go from there. Trust me, the back of the water bottle label will not be exact! I've tried million of times.

8. Then you are done. These are great accent pieces and also great party favors.

***Some instructions courtesy of cakelikesaparty.com
Enjoy!

**Want more how tos? Email us at preemietwinsme@gmail.com

Where Have We Been?

It is has been awhile and we have missed our mommy bloggers, readers and fans. I have not blogged in so long that I lost a follower. In one of my last blogs, I mentioned how hard it is has been to manage my time to write, work, school work, and take care of the babies. I will try to write more, however, I cannot promise every day like I use to. Yet, here is the Walker (and Simmons :) update:

The Mom

• Working Full-time for almost two months 
• Still in school, but struggling 
• Tired more than ever
• Trying to become more social
• Still loves her girls to death!! 
• Playing step mom to her step children who are here for the Summer

The Dad 

• Still the head of the household
• Working
• Enjoying his girls 
• Enjoying his other children who are here for the Summer
• Still loves video games 

The Girls: Mya Bear and Milani Cake 

• Turned One on Thursday, July 19th 
• Into everything

I will have a detailed update tomorrow on the girls. Not much has changed with us, just much busier. We haven't forgotten and will write tomorrow.

Top 10 Advice Every Mom (and Mom-to-be) Should Follow

It has been awhile since I blogged. I didn't realize how tough it would be to manage working full time, school and raising my twins, however, we are managing. The job is going very well and the girls are adjusting to day care (I will write a blog on how to find the right day care and our experience soon).

As the girls reach 11 months in two weeks, I started to think back of all the trial and errors of being a new mom, what worked and did not work as a mother of twins and advice I wished I listen to rather than thinking I knew everything there was to be a mom. To the new moms, soon to be moms and veterans, this blog is for you; my top ten advice I WISH I listened to.

10. Do not stop breastfeeding: Around four months, I had enough. My milk supply was low and when the girls came home, it was tough to find time to pump. I could not get five minutes in without one of the girls  crying.

9. You are having twins; plan the shower early: Well, I had the shower the day after Mya was released from the NICU.

8. Start with a bassinet first, not a crib: Like most new mothers, I was very eager to have the perfect nursery. In my mind, a nursery should have a crib. If you think that your baby is going to sleep in a crib for long periods of time or even at all, you are mistaken. Babies younger than 6 months do not know how to self soothe. It is must easier and less stressful to by a bassinet and for the first couple of months; the baby can sleep in the room with you. I learned the hard way.

7. Give the baby water: My doctor was adamant of not starting the girls on water until they turned 6 months. Four months later and the girls DETEST water. It is okay to give the baby 2 oz the max before 6 months; it helps flush their system.

6. Purchase two cribs: After listening to a mother of twins who stated that her children slept in one crib with no problem, I immediately thought my girls would do the same. Oh, how wrong I was. The spent almost a month in the NICU sleeping separately and therefore was already use to that arrangement. Mya came home first and had a week of being alone in the nursery. For moms of twins, buy two cribs, better yet, purchase two bassinets. It will save you a headache and give you a couple more minutes of sleep.

5. Follow a schedule: I was very against a schedule when the girls were born but as weeks went by with Mya, especially staying up half the night, I realized a set schedule was necessary; a routine is a better word for it. Now that they are older, I do not use a schedule as much but for bedtime I do.

4. Have Bottles Prepared: In total I prepare ten bottles a day. I found a different strategies in doing so, but when the girls were younger, I had a hard time getting bottles ready; I was too tired!

3. Do not forget diapers, wipes and bottles when you go out, even if it is for five minutes: I made this mistake when I went to the mall with the girls and did not bring their baby bag. Mya took a nasty stinky and my fiance had to flag a couple with an infant down to loan us a diaper. It was too small but it did the job.

2. Do not let the baby sleep in the bed with you: There are nights that I can't get Milani out of our bed!

1. When the girls are asleep YOU SLEEP!:  I used that time to watch television, do homework and relaxed not realizing that when babies are a month old; they do not sleep that long! Now the girls are 10 months, sleep through the night and take longer naps, I sleep as well...I use to before I started working.

*What is your advice?"

Were you Born to Be a Mothe

So much has happened these past couple of days. I started my new job on Tuesday and I must say that I am rather enjoying it. The person I am replacing is amazing; she is staying for a month to train me. I couldn't be more blessed. When I came home on Tuesday, Mya decided that she was going to pull her self up into a standing position, Milani's top front tooth along with her side tooth and the already growing bottom two teeth are appearing; it was an eventful Tuesday.

To help ease the financial blow, my mother decided to take a week off from work and watch the girls for us, which is a blessing in itself. Today, is my mother's birthday and as I reflect on how great, fantastic, one of a kind of mother she is, it also became a topic for this blog; assuming the role as a mother.

Who Teaches Us?


How does one automatically fall into the role of being a mother when they have never been one before? It is a question that I use to ask myself (and I still do) before I was pregnant. It is an interesting thought; women carry another human being inside of her for 9 months (or less) and then, they are automatically nurturing, caring and protective, when they never had to before.

As soon as my girls were born, I automatically went from being young, carefree, still trying to figure out my life, to mama lion, instantly. When my girls cried, I knew to swaddle and cuddle them, I knew to prepare bottles, change them, bathe them, talk to them and tell them I loved them. But how? How did I know to do these things without any practice or anything to compare to? Some instances of course were challenging, such as feeding, not know what every cry meant, what their likes and dislikes were, but my motherly instinct, where did that come from?

I soon realized that carrying the girls for as long as I could established a relationship that only use three shared; a relationship that my fiance had to build as soon as they were born. Because they were inside me, connected to my emotions, we had an instant bond. Although they did not know me as well as I was beginning to know them, our bond began in the womb.

An excellent point of reference is my own mother. I remember (as far back as I could) that she would do any and everything for me. My mother played with me, made sure I had the best of every thing to the point that I did not know that were financially strapped. She was a nurture, naturally, and I always felt safe. To this day, I can always count on her.

I take the love my mother showed me and display that with my children. My mother is not a perfect women, but the best attributes of her (and there are many) I take and use for myself to show my children that they are loved. I do not agree with every aspect of how she parent and what I have opinions on I would do differently but for the most part, my mom was (is) the best.

I Was Not Born To Be a Mother


Jennifer Garner who played Vanessa in the movie Juno, said that she was born to be a mother. It is a saying that I have heard often from others; not just on television. I know I was not born to be just a mother. There was point in my life that I found it laughable, me, raising children, when I don't really like them. My cousin's use to always cringe at the thought of me pregnant. "I can't see you with a baby," they would always say. I couldn't agree more.

When you find someone that you love it is hard not to want to have a family with them; and so the role of a mother became natural for me. There are times that I sit and watch my girls sleep and can't believe that I created someone so special. it is unreal. However, being a mother was not a priority on my list of goals. In fact, I was one that wanted to be financially established before I had children. Funny how life has different plans for you; it is funny how God has a different plan for you.

God always gives you what you can handle, and two years ago, he know that I was not ready to handle the responsibility of caring for another and therefore I had a miscarriage. If I knew then, that God had bigger plans for me, a bigger blessing of giving me twins, I would not have been so sad. I thought the miscarriage was sign that my role in life was not be a mother, I would never have children.

After the miscarriage, I didn't ever want to try to have children again, for the thought of going through another miscarriage would be too traumatic and therefore, I began to focus on others activities in life. As I said to my hair dresser, who experience the same as I (who is now pregnant), when you least expect it, when you are not even trying, it will happen. For me it did and for her did as well.

I digress.

If You Could Do It All Again


I get this question a lot, "would you have more children?"or "would you try for a boy?" Most do not know (well you do now) that my fiance has other children and therefore, trying for another is not in our plans. I would like to adopt however, but I am not sure if I would do it all again. I do not regret, not one inch of my pregnancy. The experience was great and I love being a mom, to the point that I want to be a mother to child that does not have one. But to be pregnant again is more difficult to answer because I would be high risk and when I reached 16 weeks, I would have to have shots every week; not sure if it is worth it.

I use to ask myself "why do women have more children?" As I watch my girls develop from tiny babies to thriving almost toddlers, time flies rather quickly. I do not miss the days that they did not sleep and cried every five minutes, but I do miss how small they were, how innocent they were.

Being a mother is wonderful; it amazes me how many of my friends, acquaintances and those I have gone to school with are mother's as well. I wouldn't trade this feeling for anything.

Memorial Day: Time to Think About my DAMN Self!

Happy Memorial Day! I hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine and the sweet smell of BBQ. This weekend was pretty chill except Sunday, when I was baptized! I waited for this moment for months after the completion of my new disciples class and it was something that I needed to do for myself. I was very nervous but as I hit the cold water, I was filled with His presence, joy and accomplishment.

Sunday, was the highlight of my weekend. Saturday, my fiances brother and his girlfriend stopped by and I am always happy to see them. If I was speaking with my former friend, I would say to her, "take note, this is what you do when you care about someone, you stop being selfish, an opportunist and you come out and visit with you friend," however, she is still selfish and will never see this post or get the picture.

With my walk with God, I have noticed the people that were in my life, were not necessarily the people I NEEDED in my life. Sister Fleeta said it best, sometimes people will walk out of your life because you have more of an insight on your life, you are a new person. With my former friend, we just out grew each other or maybe we just never knew each other as we thought. Sometimes, friends serve their purpose and I think she served hers, as did I. Maybe down the line, we will meet again, right now, I do not see that happening.

However, I digress. This is blog IS NOT ABOUT HER, I wouldn't even give her the satisfaction. This blog entry is about what it says in the header, my DAMN SELF.

Putting Your Kids Before You


I remember spending time with a certain sorority sister years ago and each time we went out, she always had to stop and get something for her kids; it could have been anything, a toy, clothing, anything and I could not understand why. I wondered, do you not want something for yourself? Why is it necessary to buy something for them each time we go out? Her actions use to annoy me. Now that I have my own children, I see things clearly; as a mother, even as a father, you just can't help it. We want the best for our children, they are always on our minds and personally, I can't get enough of baby items. When we focus on our children more than ourselves, we tend to loose who we are. I do not have enough fingers and toes to count as to how many times I speak about children, take pictures of them. I can, however count how many times I have gotten a pedicure, my hair done, nails done or purchased a new outfit.

Letting Yourself Go


I was thinking back one day of how I use to spend the night at my cousin's house and every Saturday morning, my Aunt Charlotte would ask me to go to the store for her. Immediately, I would get up and go to the bathroom. She would knock on the door asking me what I was doing. I would reply, "getting dress." Irritated she was say, "I just want you to go to the store, Jamila, just put on some clothes and go." I could not do that. I had to wash up, do my hair, look presentable. I would not be caught dead with head scarf and mix match clothes to go outside where people would see. I cared about how I look.

At 26 years old, my appearance has become the least of my worries and that is not a good thing, it is not a great thing. Financial set backs has been a reoccurring problem for a couple of years to the point I could not afford to look fabulous. Instead of getting lavish weaves, I opt to do my own relaxer and wigs. Instead of shopping at Macy's, Lord and Taylors, I had to shop at Easy Pickins, Forever 21 and sometimes H&M. Nothing is wrong with the places I mentioned, it has actually taught me how to look great for less, but it was a step down to what I was use to. I stopped getting my nails done and my toes and I would actually go outside with my head scarf and my toes with peeled nail polish and was okay with that. Now that I have kids, I care less about my presence, let me rephrase, I USE to care less about my presence. It was so easy to put on some leggings, sneakers and go out the door. How would I push a stroller in my 5 inch stilettos that I love to wear? I did not see it happening.

A Breakthrough


I start my new job tomorrow and as I thank God for this blessing to get my families lives back on track, I decided that I need to start caring about how I look. Not just for me, but for my man too. Yesterday was the first time in months that I took the time to put my make up on, which I loved to do). I took time to brush my hair. Don't get it twisted, I am no where near raggedy, I just stopped wearing clothes that said I am fabulous and ones that said "I am  a new mom and I am tired."

It is called budgeting, something I have to relearn how to do. I have to set aside money to get my nails down every two weeks, get my hair done every two to three months and purchase an outfit or to. It is time to live my age of 26 and not 51.

Advice


My new moms or veterans mom know what I am talking about, how easy it is to let go because it is just that, easy. Why put on the heels when I can put on the flats? Why take the time to dress up, do my hair, put on make up, get the kids ready, take the stroller down stairs, put the kids in the stroller just to go around the corner? Because it is comfortable. We forget that people are looking at us and although who cares what others think, we still do. I see young girls all the time just thrown together and I vow I will never look like that and then here I am doing the same thing.

Moms to be, you will be surprise how much your life will change when your children are born. How much your relationship will be tested, how sleep will become a distant memory, and how easy it will be to just conform to the mother attire, sweats and a t-shirt. Do not! I repeat DO NOT, always think about you.

Time management is key. When the babies are napping, either take a nap or take a shower.

When you are going out, set some time before, put on some Yo Gabba Gabba and take some self-care.

If Kimora Lee Simmons, Halle Berry, Beyonce, Jennifer Lopez all look like they never gave birth (I forgot Mariah Carey), we can too.

I am back to my Insanity workout tomorrow. Back to being fabulous me!