Monday, May 28, 2012

Memorial Day: Time to Think About my DAMN Self!

Happy Memorial Day! I hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine and the sweet smell of BBQ. This weekend was pretty chill except Sunday, when I was baptized! I waited for this moment for months after the completion of my new disciples class and it was something that I needed to do for myself. I was very nervous but as I hit the cold water, I was filled with His presence, joy and accomplishment.

Sunday, was the highlight of my weekend. Saturday, my fiances brother and his girlfriend stopped by and I am always happy to see them. If I was speaking with my former friend, I would say to her, "take note, this is what you do when you care about someone, you stop being selfish, an opportunist and you come out and visit with you friend," however, she is still selfish and will never see this post or get the picture.

With my walk with God, I have noticed the people that were in my life, were not necessarily the people I NEEDED in my life. Sister Fleeta said it best, sometimes people will walk out of your life because you have more of an insight on your life, you are a new person. With my former friend, we just out grew each other or maybe we just never knew each other as we thought. Sometimes, friends serve their purpose and I think she served hers, as did I. Maybe down the line, we will meet again, right now, I do not see that happening.

However, I digress. This is blog IS NOT ABOUT HER, I wouldn't even give her the satisfaction. This blog entry is about what it says in the header, my DAMN SELF.

Putting Your Kids Before You

I remember spending time with a certain sorority sister years ago and each time we went out, she always had to stop and get something for her kids; it could have been anything, a toy, clothing, anything and I could not understand why. I wondered, do you not want something for yourself? Why is it necessary to buy something for them each time we go out? Her actions use to annoy me. Now that I have my own children, I see things clearly; as a mother, even as a father, you just can't help it. We want the best for our children, they are always on our minds and personally, I can't get enough of baby items. When we focus on our children more than ourselves, we tend to loose who we are. I do not have enough fingers and toes to count as to how many times I speak about children, take pictures of them. I can, however count how many times I have gotten a pedicure, my hair done, nails done or purchased a new outfit.

Letting Yourself Go

I was thinking back one day of how I use to spend the night at my cousin's house and every Saturday morning, my Aunt Charlotte would ask me to go to the store for her. Immediately, I would get up and go to the bathroom. She would knock on the door asking me what I was doing. I would reply, "getting dress." Irritated she was say, "I just want you to go to the store, Jamila, just put on some clothes and go." I could not do that. I had to wash up, do my hair, look presentable. I would not be caught dead with head scarf and mix match clothes to go outside where people would see. I cared about how I look.

At 26 years old, my appearance has become the least of my worries and that is not a good thing, it is not a great thing. Financial set backs has been a reoccurring problem for a couple of years to the point I could not afford to look fabulous. Instead of getting lavish weaves, I opt to do my own relaxer and wigs. Instead of shopping at Macy's, Lord and Taylors, I had to shop at Easy Pickins, Forever 21 and sometimes H&M. Nothing is wrong with the places I mentioned, it has actually taught me how to look great for less, but it was a step down to what I was use to. I stopped getting my nails done and my toes and I would actually go outside with my head scarf and my toes with peeled nail polish and was okay with that. Now that I have kids, I care less about my presence, let me rephrase, I USE to care less about my presence. It was so easy to put on some leggings, sneakers and go out the door. How would I push a stroller in my 5 inch stilettos that I love to wear? I did not see it happening.

A Breakthrough

I start my new job tomorrow and as I thank God for this blessing to get my families lives back on track, I decided that I need to start caring about how I look. Not just for me, but for my man too. Yesterday was the first time in months that I took the time to put my make up on, which I loved to do). I took time to brush my hair. Don't get it twisted, I am no where near raggedy, I just stopped wearing clothes that said I am fabulous and ones that said "I am  a new mom and I am tired."

It is called budgeting, something I have to relearn how to do. I have to set aside money to get my nails down every two weeks, get my hair done every two to three months and purchase an outfit or to. It is time to live my age of 26 and not 51.


My new moms or veterans mom know what I am talking about, how easy it is to let go because it is just that, easy. Why put on the heels when I can put on the flats? Why take the time to dress up, do my hair, put on make up, get the kids ready, take the stroller down stairs, put the kids in the stroller just to go around the corner? Because it is comfortable. We forget that people are looking at us and although who cares what others think, we still do. I see young girls all the time just thrown together and I vow I will never look like that and then here I am doing the same thing.

Moms to be, you will be surprise how much your life will change when your children are born. How much your relationship will be tested, how sleep will become a distant memory, and how easy it will be to just conform to the mother attire, sweats and a t-shirt. Do not! I repeat DO NOT, always think about you.

Time management is key. When the babies are napping, either take a nap or take a shower.

When you are going out, set some time before, put on some Yo Gabba Gabba and take some self-care.

If Kimora Lee Simmons, Halle Berry, Beyonce, Jennifer Lopez all look like they never gave birth (I forgot Mariah Carey), we can too.

I am back to my Insanity workout tomorrow. Back to being fabulous me!


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