Thursday, May 31, 2012

Were you Born to Be a Mothe

So much has happened these past couple of days. I started my new job on Tuesday and I must say that I am rather enjoying it. The person I am replacing is amazing; she is staying for a month to train me. I couldn't be more blessed. When I came home on Tuesday, Mya decided that she was going to pull her self up into a standing position, Milani's top front tooth along with her side tooth and the already growing bottom two teeth are appearing; it was an eventful Tuesday.

To help ease the financial blow, my mother decided to take a week off from work and watch the girls for us, which is a blessing in itself. Today, is my mother's birthday and as I reflect on how great, fantastic, one of a kind of mother she is, it also became a topic for this blog; assuming the role as a mother.

Who Teaches Us?

How does one automatically fall into the role of being a mother when they have never been one before? It is a question that I use to ask myself (and I still do) before I was pregnant. It is an interesting thought; women carry another human being inside of her for 9 months (or less) and then, they are automatically nurturing, caring and protective, when they never had to before.

As soon as my girls were born, I automatically went from being young, carefree, still trying to figure out my life, to mama lion, instantly. When my girls cried, I knew to swaddle and cuddle them, I knew to prepare bottles, change them, bathe them, talk to them and tell them I loved them. But how? How did I know to do these things without any practice or anything to compare to? Some instances of course were challenging, such as feeding, not know what every cry meant, what their likes and dislikes were, but my motherly instinct, where did that come from?

I soon realized that carrying the girls for as long as I could established a relationship that only use three shared; a relationship that my fiance had to build as soon as they were born. Because they were inside me, connected to my emotions, we had an instant bond. Although they did not know me as well as I was beginning to know them, our bond began in the womb.

An excellent point of reference is my own mother. I remember (as far back as I could) that she would do any and everything for me. My mother played with me, made sure I had the best of every thing to the point that I did not know that were financially strapped. She was a nurture, naturally, and I always felt safe. To this day, I can always count on her.

I take the love my mother showed me and display that with my children. My mother is not a perfect women, but the best attributes of her (and there are many) I take and use for myself to show my children that they are loved. I do not agree with every aspect of how she parent and what I have opinions on I would do differently but for the most part, my mom was (is) the best.

I Was Not Born To Be a Mother

Jennifer Garner who played Vanessa in the movie Juno, said that she was born to be a mother. It is a saying that I have heard often from others; not just on television. I know I was not born to be just a mother. There was point in my life that I found it laughable, me, raising children, when I don't really like them. My cousin's use to always cringe at the thought of me pregnant. "I can't see you with a baby," they would always say. I couldn't agree more.

When you find someone that you love it is hard not to want to have a family with them; and so the role of a mother became natural for me. There are times that I sit and watch my girls sleep and can't believe that I created someone so special. it is unreal. However, being a mother was not a priority on my list of goals. In fact, I was one that wanted to be financially established before I had children. Funny how life has different plans for you; it is funny how God has a different plan for you.

God always gives you what you can handle, and two years ago, he know that I was not ready to handle the responsibility of caring for another and therefore I had a miscarriage. If I knew then, that God had bigger plans for me, a bigger blessing of giving me twins, I would not have been so sad. I thought the miscarriage was sign that my role in life was not be a mother, I would never have children.

After the miscarriage, I didn't ever want to try to have children again, for the thought of going through another miscarriage would be too traumatic and therefore, I began to focus on others activities in life. As I said to my hair dresser, who experience the same as I (who is now pregnant), when you least expect it, when you are not even trying, it will happen. For me it did and for her did as well.

I digress.

If You Could Do It All Again

I get this question a lot, "would you have more children?"or "would you try for a boy?" Most do not know (well you do now) that my fiance has other children and therefore, trying for another is not in our plans. I would like to adopt however, but I am not sure if I would do it all again. I do not regret, not one inch of my pregnancy. The experience was great and I love being a mom, to the point that I want to be a mother to child that does not have one. But to be pregnant again is more difficult to answer because I would be high risk and when I reached 16 weeks, I would have to have shots every week; not sure if it is worth it.

I use to ask myself "why do women have more children?" As I watch my girls develop from tiny babies to thriving almost toddlers, time flies rather quickly. I do not miss the days that they did not sleep and cried every five minutes, but I do miss how small they were, how innocent they were.

Being a mother is wonderful; it amazes me how many of my friends, acquaintances and those I have gone to school with are mother's as well. I wouldn't trade this feeling for anything.


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