Wednesday, October 17, 2012

10 Things I Learned: One Year After Having Twins

I usually post about twins on Tuesdays, but because I have been laxed in blogging (my apologies) I decided to post on Wednesday. Wednesday is Words of Wisdom, so in a sense, the topic kind of falls into the category...kind of.

After blogging for quite awhile, I start to run out of ideas for content. I began questioning, what is it that my readers find interesting in my blog? Is it what I write? Is it my twins (of course it is my girls!). I went on one of the twin blogs I read A Day In the Life and one of her posts was the 10 things she learned about raising twins one year later. This topic is way over due, but I think it is one that many would like to know.

Beach Theme First Birthday
The girls turned one on July 19th 2011 and as my fiance and I sat (as we usually do) reminiscing of the beginning of being parents to twins, we couldn't help but come up with the same answers; excited, overjoyed, anger, frustration, stress, sleep deprived, happy, the list went on an on. Not to think highly of myself, but I am really blessed that God chose me to have twins. I am not perfect, I am definitely not a perfect mother (although I would like to think so) but I have learned a lot of lessons through out the way.

1. Do Not Listen To Mothers With Only One Child or Had Children Back to Back: I use to and still receive a lot of comments of mothers who have one child or had children back to back trying to relate with me in regards to raising twins. I hate to say it, although you may THINK having two kids back to back is like having twins, it really isn't. SORRY! Raising twins is very different, it is time consuming and there isn't anything a mother with one child or two children (different ages) could tell you. It is best to seek advice from mothers of multiples. You will be surprise how much similarity there is.

2. Do Not Compare Yourself With Other Mommies: I would get very annoyed at the blogs from other moms of multiples sharing their insights on cooking, activity, while I was about to pull my weave out from Mya staying up half the night. Other moms seemed very calm and collected and here I was during the first few months about to pass out. This also goes back to my lesson 1, I would also compare myself to mothers who had one baby and notice how calm they were. I had to say to myself, they have one baby, they have it so easy. I would even get annoyed when one would write on Facebook or a blog how tired they were with one child. In my head, I would scream "TRY TWO!" Every set of twins are different and I had to stop looking at other parents and focus on my girls. I did get some great advice from mothers of multiples but my family structure is different and I had to do what worked for us.

3. Prioritize: Guess what? Unless you have a maid, that once spotless house is no more. The time you had to do arts and crafts, may have to take a back seat for awhile. Five minute meals and frozen dinners are now your best friend and your spouse has to develop more patience than ever. If a family member wants to help, LET THEM! You are not supermom, you are not going to have it together all the time. Twins take a lot of energy. Just because they are twins, does not mean they do everything in sync. One may start to cry and you have to attend that one and then five minutes later, the other twin needs something. As the girls have gotten older, things have gotten less stressful, however, they are starting to walk....

4. It Is Ok To Cry: The bathroom became my best friend the first few months with the girls. I was a stay at home mom for 10 months and while my fiance was at work, it was just me and the girls. There were times the girls would double team and start crying at the same time. Plenty of times the girls would not go to sleep even though they were exhausted. To regain my composure and not take it out on the girls, I would find a peace of mind in the bathroom and there is where I would cry or yell with the doors closed. Raising twins is tough, it takes a strong woman to do this job, it is not for everyone. Sometimes, while I am feeding one, the other would cry. Who do you go to? Do you stop feeding to attend to the other? It's frustrating, especially when you are home with them by yourself. It is okay to let them cry it out for a little bit, I do not care what the books say. Sometimes they calm down on their own. You are doing a wonderful job, you have a handful, it is not easy.

5. Self-Care Is A Must: If you do not take care of yourself, how are you going to be of any good to the babies who need you? It is very easy to loose yourself when you are raising twins. You began to not care who you look, you are tired and just do not know where you going to find the energy. Some of the tasks on your very long list can wait! If you have help, go take a shower. If your spouse is home after work, let him take care of the babies while you get 20 minutes. Now that the girls are older, it is much easier to get at least 30 minutes to myself.

6. Routine But Be Flexible: Contradicting I know. However, it is good to get the girls on a schedule from feeding to play time to sleep time, however, you do not have to do this everyday because the world does not work on a schedule. The girls are in day care and their schedule there is much different as it at home. On the weekends, I sway off the schedule a little bit. Twins are not robots; sometimes at 11 am and it is time for a meal, they may not be hungry. You do not want to force them to eat because you are on a schedule. Schedules is for your sanity and to make things easier but often times it may not go as plan. It is okay!

7. Trust Your Gut: You will be bombarded with advice from other moms, especially mothers of one child as if they know what is like to raise twins. You know what is best for your twins, you are with them 24/7. Grandparents will be the first to manipulate your mind with stuff, IGNORE. You are the mother, you know what is best.

8. It Does Get Easier...Seriously: I use to role my eyes every time a mother would tell me that. Especially because the mother did not have twins. But, from a mother who is raising twins and is almost out of the storm (only to go back into another, terrible twos), it does get easier and it does get better. Raising newborn twins is probably the worst it can get. Once you get over that, it is really smooth sailing. You are understanding your children more and they are getting to know you better.

9. Cherish the Moments, Do Not Sweat The Small Stuff: Don't worry about the crying and the waking up in the middle of the night. Guess what? This is what we signed up for. There will be moments where you question, what was I thinking? or "I wish I could go back to when it was just my spouse and I for a second," however, twins grow up really fast and when they hit each milestones  and developments, especially if they were born preemies, cherish those moments. Do not sweat the other stuff. Yes, raising twins is stressful, but seeing these blessings that you created, how special they are, how different and yet similar they are, that is what is important. Enjoy everyone "aww's" and questioning when you walk down the street with them (yes, my girls are local celebrities). Most people wish they could have twins (why, I don't know, maybe it is because they have not HAD them), and they are living through you. Answer their questions, embrace them and just enjoy being a mom of twins.

10. Just Because They Are Twins, Does Not Mean They Are Alike: My twins are fraternal and I always thought that in the beginning they would be best friends. Nope. One is very aggressive, the other is laid back. Twin B is developing faster than Twin A. You can't treat each twin the same, sometimes you have to treat them as the individual.

Moms of multiples, you are doing a great job, WE are doing a great job. It does get easier, it does get better, you can seek advice but only you know what works best for you and your twins. Enjoy them!


  1. It's so true! Twins can be such a wild ride. Sometimes you are just holding for dear life waiting to see where it takes you. Mine are now 15 months, and though there are days I want to pull my hair out life is so much easier! I'm glad I could help inspire such a great post!